


i know you're gonna devastate me (starting from the inside out)

by FlyingFleshEater



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2576924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlyingFleshEater/pseuds/FlyingFleshEater
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Song- Bit by Bit by Vanity Theft<br/>Alicia has assured me that this song is about vampires. Brittany disagrees.</p></blockquote>





	i know you're gonna devastate me (starting from the inside out)

_I want your every passing thought (I want)_  
 _I want your every wasted breath (I want)_  
 _I want to feel your every move and make my_  
 _Home inside your head_  
  
 _I want every song you sing (I want)_  
 _I want every word you speak (I want)_  
 _I want your rise, I want your fall (I want)_  
 _I want to haunt you in your dreams_  
X

The Sumarian book of 101 Ways to Cook a Virgin, while interesting and helpful, is a bust. There’s too many possibilities and the counters are all vastly different, so if they screw up and assume the wrong ritual, nothing they plan will work. Carmilla gives it up quickly, but Laura refuses to do the same. She pours over her notes for days, the frustrated line between her eyebrows getting more and more pronounced as time goes on.

When Carmilla starts skipping class (more than usual) in order to sleep under Laura’s bed in her cat form and keep watch over her dreams, chasing away the more malicious spirits, she knows that she’s in too deep. More accurately, she acknowledges that she’s in too deep. She’s known since…well it’s been awhile.

So she knows it’s an issue that she _wants_ so desperately. But she doesn’t do anything about it. The dancing was already a bad idea, the memory of Laura’s fingers tangled with hers, the heat of their bodies so close together, the smell of her blood so close, thick with arousal. It’s enough to keep her awake during the day. She wants to push it farther and is at the same time too scared to fall in deeper than she already has. It’s already going to hurt when it goes south, she doesn’t want it to be worse than it has to.

Naturally, Laura’s the one that makes the first move. She’s the one that climbs into Carmilla’s bed just after she’d stretched and muttered “good morning” as she squints against the late afternoon sunlight coming through the window. Instead of correcting her with a terse/amused “good afternoon,” Laura pushes her blankets away and pulls the charm off her wrist and slides her hands under Carmilla’s rumpled shirt that she’s been wearing for two days and before Carmilla can get halfway through a “what do you think you’re doing?” her mouth is quite busy with other things.

Carmilla knows. She knows Laura is going to utterly destroy her. She can sense it like a coming storm. It doesn’t matter, of course, because the absolute truth is that she loves it. She lives for it. Lives for this destruction wrought by tiny, soft, lovely hands that somehow, despite their inexperience, manage to feel just right where they cradle her hips.

They don’t talk about it after. Laura hums and falls asleep against Carmilla’s shoulder, and Carmilla thinks briefly about skipping class again but then Laura drools on her a little and it makes up her mind to get out while she still can.

Because even though it’s gross, it’s also entirely too cute. And she needs space from thoughts like that.

So Carmilla climbs over her carefully and picks her discarded clothes off the floor. She showers, startled at the bruises she finds already blooming on her neck and shoulder. It makes her grin, and almost laugh, at the thought that of the two of them, Laura was the one that bit.

When she’s dressed again she goes back into their room and Laura is exactly where she left her, hand tucked up under her chin and a slightly darker drool spot on the yellow pillow that Carmilla keeps on her bed as often as possible. Laura’s charm is on the ground by Carmilla’s bed where Laura dropped it carelessly so she takes a minute to slip it back on Laura’s wrist before she grabs her bag and leaves silently, locking the door behind her for the first time.

When she comes back just as the sun is starting to flirt with the horizon, Laura is back in her own bed with her yellow pillow, charm still on her wrist.

X

It happens again and it takes her completely by surprise.

Most of the time, Carmilla feels every inch of her 300-someodd years. She is both arrogant and self-aware enough to know that she would not contest being called ‘wise.’

But sometimes…

Sometimes she remembers that she’s really still eighteen deep inside, a child playing at adulthood. A confused girl that can’t understand the way her un-beating heart feels like it’s clenching in her chest when, without any sort of warning, Laura turns around from her computer, pulls the book Carmilla is pretending to read out of her hands, and climbs on top of her, divesting herself of her shirt in the process.

They haven’t talked about whatever this is, and Carmilla isn’t sure if they ever will or even if they should. But she cups Laura’s ribs in her hands and feels her breathe and doesn’t care about anything else for a while.

X

It doesn’t become a habit. Habits are consistent. Steady. Whatever this thing is, it doesn’t seem to follow any pattern that Carmilla can pick up on except in the way it happens. Laura always starts it. Carmilla never tries to take control. She doesn’t know what this is and doesn’t want to accidently make it something Laura isn’t looking for.

She thinks maybe Laura needs that control. Control over something in this crazy, fucked up situation.

So she tries to accept it. Tries to ignore the way the air between them brims with tension.

She tries.

And when Laura pushes Carmilla down on her bed at four in the morning just as she’s getting in from her classes, she just lets it happen.

Carmilla actually laughs when Laura kisses her temple and then her cheek and then the corner of her mouth as she fumbles with the buttons on her shirt. She has to push Laura’s hands away to help but once the shirt is open she’s pushed onto her back and Laura is holding her arms above her head.  Carmilla pretends to fight the hold and Laura bites down hard on her neck. Carmilla’s whole body twitches. She can’t help the whine that escapes her. She can’t help what she says.

“Why are you doing this?” It slips out and Carmilla immediately wants to stake herself because she sounds so fucking desperate.  Also because Laura stops and sits up, still straddling Carmilla’s thighs and avoiding eye contact. Carmilla sighs internally, and reaches for Laura’s hands which she’s twisting in her lap. She holds them still, absently running her thumb over them. “Cupcake,” she wheedles.

Laura rolls her eyes and smiles a little. She shrugs and leans over Carmilla, holding her wrists down on the bed once more. “Because I like it,” she says finally. “And you like it.” She starts to kiss Carmilla again, picking up where she left off on her neck. “And because it feels like a good idea.”

Carmilla gasps and jerks. “I’ve yet to see you have a good idea.”

“Shut up.” Laura’s teeth are on her again.

She smiles and does as she’s told. She’s always been good at playing obedient.

Carmilla thinks about all the girls she’s touched and held and whispered sweet things to. She thinks about how she never really felt guilty about all those lies told. No, she never really felt guilty until she’s holding Laura. Until she can’t think of anything to say that she hasn’t already said – to some long dead girl, to girls she helped kill – and the words die in her throat and crisp into ashes in her brain and she keeps her mouth shut so that none of the ghosts can escape.

Instead she pulls Laura closer and lets her drool all over her shoulder. It’s the best she can manage. She somehow let this slip of girl get a hold on her when she should have known better. History is apparently doomed to repeat itself.

X

 _You're living proof_   
_I might be losing_  
 _My grip on reality_  
 _I could keep it if I needed it_  
 _But this delusion tastes so sweet_  
  
 _I know, you're gonna devastate me_  
 _Starting from the inside out_  
 _Better the devil you know_  
 _My darling_  
  
 _Sink your teeth in_  
 _Sink your teeth in_  
 _Sink your teeth in_  
  
 _Bit by bit, take a bite_  
 _Now, tear me down_

**Author's Note:**

> Song- Bit by Bit by Vanity Theft  
> Alicia has assured me that this song is about vampires. Brittany disagrees.


End file.
